My First Trimester

This Wednesday marks 19 weeks pregnant so I am well into my second trimester. Now I’m sharing everything that happened in my first trimester including when we found out, how we revealed the news to friends and family and symptoms I dealt with (and are continuing to feel even as I type) during those first few months of pregnancy.

Negative/Positive

Though I wasn’t terribly late with my period, I took a pregnancy test on September 30 because something just felt different to me. I remember that mix of excitement and skepticism as I tried to find something to do for those two minutes it takes for the test to process, but it came up negative. The next week, I had a particularly emotional afternoon for no real reason and it felt like I was completely out of control of my feelings. So the next morning, October 7, when I realized I still hadn’t gotten my period, I took another test and was shocked to see that little “+” sign. I was pregnant! 

I told Alex right away because I am terrible at keeping secrets from him and while he was very excited for the news, we both decided we would proceed with cautious optimism. After all, I had had two miscarriages earlier in the year. There were no promises that it wouldn’t happen again. 

I also knew that I needed to let my mom in on our secret. She’s the other person that I can just never keep anything from. And I knew that if anything happened, whether morning sickness began or I did start to miscarry, she was going to have to step in with Arielle even if it was during her “off-the-clock” time as she serves as our daycare for most of the week. 

Beyond that, we made no plans and the only other person I told was my OBGYN who scheduled an ultrasound for a few weeks later. A few days after Alex’s birthday I lay in that dark room with his hand gripping onto mine. Last time we had been there was May 2022 when we were told that my second pregnancy of the year was unviable. No fetal pole had shown up. So when our ultrasound tech, Jessica, showed us the tiny little squiggle on the black and white screen, I broke down into tears. So did Alex. There was the beginnings of a baby there, our baby. But we knew we were still far from being in that safe zone. 

At week 10 we saw my OBGYN, Dr. Todd Shapiro, for a check-in. He took a quick ultrasound and for the first time we heard our baby’s heartbeat. I cried again. I couldn’t help it. This was confirmation that not only was there a little person in there, they were alive and doing well and I was so overwhelmed. He was encouraging about the progress I was making, but I could still hear the caution in his voice. We also did genetic testing during this visit because I am what’s called a “geriatric pregnancy” at the ripe old age of 36. This testing checked for things like Downs Syndrome, but it also looked for chromosomal abnormalities that may cause a miscarriage after 12 weeks. I am grateful to say that everything came back looking good and the chances for anything happening like that are extremely unlikely. 

Still, we decided to wait until at least 12 weeks, when the chance of miscarriage takes a huge dip, before we told anyone else. It was tough sitting through Thanksgiving dinner, feeling so sick and unable to find any relief. But with each passing week, even as the morning sickness became worse and worse, I become more and more hopeful that this time we would have our happy ending.  

The next Wednesday was my 12-week ultrasound and for the first time in months I wasn’t sure if I felt nauseous because of the morning sickness or because of my anxiety as we took the drive to Brookline. Once again, I lay in a darkened room with huge equipment surrounding me, Alex’s hand in mine. But there was our little baby, growing and looking healthy. I felt my heart swell.

How we told our Families

That night, my sister and brother-in-law came over to pick up some things they had stored at my house during their recent move. We put Arielle in her “Promoted to Big Sister” tee shirt, the same one I had bought back in January 2022 before we had our first miscarriage. Right away they caught on to what we were trying to tell them and I could see that they were excited. But they stayed somewhat calm because they knew what I had been through. 

At the end of November, I had asked my friend Jessie Wyman if she would help me photograph a special “collaboration.” I am sure she caught on, but I didn’t actually tell her anything about it until a few days before the shoot. That’s when we told Arielle that life was about to get very interesting for all of us. I don’t think she understood right away but she has caught on since then! 

The next evening we told Alex’s family during dinner at Not Your Average Joe’s and they were of course thrilled. We then spent the rest of December making Christmas visits, sharing the news with those we are closest to, and it was officially announced on our holiday card. I let you all in on the news the day after New Years because I felt like it was a hopeful way to start 2023 after a few very tough years for all of us. 

And I am so grateful for all of the messages of love and support I have received from some of you! So thank you! 

Symptoms

Just like my pregnancy with Arielle, I have dealt with hyperemesis gravidarum or what is known as severe morning sickness. This started in the middle of October and even though I am well into my second trimester, I am still dealing with it. Because of this I have actually continued to lose weight but my OBGYN is not concerned because last time I didn’t start gaining it until almost my third trimester. Food just basically has no appeal to me. 

During that first trimester I also was terribly exhausted and most days would either take a nap or find myself nodding off around 8 p.m. Getting out of bed in the morning was a chore. One minute I felt happy, the next anxious. My hormones were all over the place. Pregnancy is definitely not for sissies.

How I’m Doing Mentally

While pregnancy is always tough on the body, it can also be a challenge to a woman’s mental health, especially when you’ve had a miscarriage. Throughout that first trimester and even now, I often think, “What if this fails again? What if I fail again?” But with each passing week I do a little celebratory dance. We’re getting closer, the baby is getting bigger, and I feel more and more confident that we will get our happy ending. 

Or should I say happy beginning?

I am so grateful to the staff and my wonderful OBGYN at Beth Israel for taking such great care of me during 2022 and now through this pregnancy. I’ll be revealing more of what I’ve been going through during this second trimester in a few weeks.