Have you Heard of Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome. I remember the first time I heard this term. I was explaining to my therapist how I didn’t understand why my boss kept complimenting me for just doing my job. After I finished my monologue she looked at me and asked, “Did you ever think that you’re just really good at what you do and he wants to let you know that?” 

My first reaction was to balk at what she had just said. My thought process was that my boss was pandering to me. But then I started to think about all the times I’ve waved off a compliment – it was mostly about my work. 

“Have you heard of Imposter Syndrome?” she asked. 

Imposter Syndrome is, “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved.”

All those times I had brushed off compliments on my school work or career or anything else really important to me, it was because I felt like I didn’t deserve the praise. I didn’t think I was worthy. 

Like many breakthroughs in therapy, hearing that such a thing existed made so much of my life make sense, but then the work started. And with several more therapy sessions and months of biting my tongue every time someone gave me a compliment, I found I was able to manage my Imposter Syndrome.

But things changed when I decided to leave television behind and strike out on my own as a writer and blogger. The act of building a business, a portfolio, brand relations for collaborations, and a client roster, did a number on that self-confidence I had built up. And it’s something I’ve been working on for the three years I’ve been an entrepreneur. 

So I was so excited when I discovered Dr. Kelly Vincent on Instagram. Dr. Kelly is a licensed clinical psychologist based in San Diego, California. She works predominantly with women who are struggling with anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, life transitions, relationship struggles, low self-esteem and trauma. She’s been featured in Vanity Fair, Pop Sugar and Forbes.

Dr. Kelly focuses much of her content on Imposter Syndrome, making the problem and solutions easy to understand with her attractive graphics and comprehensive captions. And after following her for a while, I knew I had to get her on the Cocktails and Content Creation Podcast I co-host with my friend and frequent collaborator, Jessie Wyman. It took several months to align our schedules but we finally got to chat and it was like a therapy session via podcast. If you have the time, check out the full episode here. But I’m sharing some of the highlights that I took away from our interview, as well as how it’s helping me to deal with my Imposter Syndrome.

We don’t own up to our Accomplishments

Even during our interview, my imposter syndrome became apparent when I listed my qualifications as a writer (my education, previous experience, how I work with my clients) and then said that I was “essentially a writer.” 

Dr. Kelly picked up on it and gave me a virtual slap on the hand, “You are a writer. You said essentially you’re a writer, you are a writer.”

And even though I know I will doubt myself in the future, I will never say that I am “essentially a writer” or anything like it, ever again.

Procrastination is a symptom of Imposter Syndrome

I have dealt with procrastination since I was a young student. And it isn’t something that has gone away even as I’ve learned to handle my ADHD. I thought that was the main reason for my tendency to procrastinate, but according to Dr. Kelly, it’s also a symptom of Imposter Syndrome. 

“The anxiety starts to increase like, ‘Oh gosh, I have to do this right. I have to do this perfectly.’” Dr. Kelly explains, “Maybe you overwork, or maybe you procrastinate for a while, whatever, but there’s a lot of anxiety that gets infiltrated into the experience and you start to think, ‘I can’t do this.’”

It Affects our Confidence and Prevents us from Charging what we’re Worth

For me, the anxiety over setting my prices is twofold because I have two separate businesses. I am a freelance writer for other business owners and I also create content for my own blog and Instagram where I work with brands and businesses to promote their products and events. 

When you work in a creative industry, pricing can be so varied. And that is particularly true in the influencer realm. It’s such a new field that while there are pricing guidelines, there can be so many variables. Followers on each of your platforms, the level of content you produce, engagement which can van vary from week to week, and of course your audience and the deliverables requested all play a factor in what you charge a brand. The last thing you want to do is charge brands pittance so that you’re almost working for free. But at the same time influencer marketing isn’t always taken seriously so even when you know you’re charging a brand a fair rate, they don’t see it that way and move on to someone who is willing to work for free (yes, there are people willing to work for free and no, that doesn’t make sense to me either). 

The same is true as a service provider. Unfortunately, many times when you create an estimate for a client, they can get sticker shock and decide that what you do isn’t so hard after all. Suddenly the prospective client who said they cannot write a lick figures that they have a laptop so they can do it themselves. The same thing goes for photographers. They’ll either decide to do it themselves or go with a service provider that may not have the experience, talent and experience you bring to the table, but they’re charging much less. What is ridiculous is that those same clients wouldn’t feel that way if they were trying to secure a lawyer. 

Dr. Kelly said that’s even happening in her field, especially with the rise of social media. 

“I see a ton of individuals talking about trauma and pretty heavy stuff, that often don’t have any credentials,” she said. “I think that would be one of the big negative sides of that platform [Instagram] is that anybody can do really everything on there. And there’s no restrictions or whatnot, right? The Board of Psychology in California monitors what I do and manages my license and I could be taken to jail if I don’t do certain things.” 

But in the end, she said, even if someone is charging less than you you shouldn’t be comparing yourself. Figure out what you need to charge and be confident in your pricing, even if that means you may end up losing clients. After all, you only want clients that see your value. I couldn’t agree more.

Imposter Syndrome starts when we’re Young

Imposter Syndrome doesn’t just start the day we get a job. According to Dr. Kelly, it actually begins in childhood. 

“These beliefs get solidified in very different ways. Yes, some parenting,” she said. “It could be experiences in school. It could be that teachers might say something, and usually the core beliefs, the typical ones are, ‘I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I’m unlovable, I’m flawed.’”

“A lot of this stuff is under the surface. It’s all subconscious. And usually that belief system is sprouting up and then creating these different thoughts, feelings and behaviors,” she explained. “And that’s why I think therapy can be very helpful. A little plug for therapy is that it can help sort of uncover some of these subconscious, unconscious ways of thinking and what’s driving some of that self-esteem or self-worth.”

This has made me reexamine how I speak to Arielle because while my core beliefs are already in there, hers are not. So I’m being very careful of vocalizing my opinions and expectations because while I know she will not escape childhood without some kind of trauma, I want to do as little damage to her as possible.

Knowing these things has made me understand my own Imposter Syndrome as well as how I can manage it and hopefully help Arielle to escape the burden of it. But really the entire interview is worth a listen if you have an hour. Check it out on Cocktails & Content Creation!